Chapter 1

It's hard to watch, isn't it?

Watching the person you have feelings for, and knowing they have feelings for someone else. Someone that's not you.

I've been watching it since I started school here. I've been here 6 years now. Six long years, watching, and waiting. I've been waiting for him to notice me.

But he never does.

I can't talk to him. It's so difficult to screw up enough courage to do something that bold. That daring. I can't do it. I tried to once, you know. I watched until he was alone, with none of his friends around. I approached him. But as soon as I got next to him, my mind went blank. Staring into those eyes made me forget what I'd been dying to say.

And here we are, in our last year together.

Time is running out.

2.

I must be invisible.

He just walked right past me, and didn't even look at me. I even did my hair differently today! My friends all laughed at me - they knew he wouldn't notice. He never does.

I sat through an entire Divination class with him, and all he did was talk to his friend and make fun of Professor Trelawney. I tried to ignore him and just talk to my friend, but she knew I was distracted. She didn't know it was because of him, though. She thought it was because I'd had problems with the essay we had to turn in today. I hadn't though; I always do well in Divination. If she knew that I'd been paying so much attention to him, she would have laughed herself stupid. Of course, she doesn't have room to make fun of me; she likes his friend. She won't admit it, but I can tell. She gets this funny look in her eyes when he's around. Myself, I can't see what she thinks is so great about him, but maybe it's just because I've had a thing for the other boy for so long.

Did you ever get so nervous around someone that you liked that you couldn't eat? That's how I get around him. Oh, he never sits by me or anything, but it doesn't matter. The fact that he could see me eating if he wanted to - that's reason enough for me to pick and push at my food until he's gone. Then I feel comfortable eating again.

Their girl friend is tolerable. One time I asked her for help with some homework in hopes that he might come along. But he didn't. He had other, more important things to do. She was actually very nice to me. Not that she hasn't been before, but we have had our differences. I can't say I'd like to be her friend or anything like that. She is too much of a know-it-all for me to want to be close to her. If I thought it would make him notice me, I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Ooh, there he goes! He just walked past me again with his friends. I can never get him away from them.

What would I say if I could?

I'd like to tell him how I've been wanting to go out with him for the last six years.

I'd like to tell him that I saw him giving her that look, even if she didn't. I wish he'd look at me like that.

But I know that even if I came face to face with him alone, I'd probably mess everything up. My words would come out all wrong. They always do when I'm nervous.

Maybe tomorrow, when we visit Hogsmeade, I'll try to catch him alone and talk to him.

I'd better go practice what I want to say.

3.

There he is! This is it, I've got to do it now. His friends just left him . . .Oh my God, I can't believe I'm doing this. I'm so close I can smell him. Would he think I was nuts if he knew I was following him, too afraid to open my stupid mouth to him? To even say hello?

He turned around! Oh no . . . I can feel any courage I had stored up melting away. I said hello . . . He's actually talking to me! I can't believe it! He's telling me how much he hates Divination. Yeah, it's not my favorite class either, I lie. He smiles at me. Why am I dizzy all of a sudden? I don't want to ruin this; it's the first real conversation I've ever had with him. I had no idea he could talk this much.

I can't believe I just said that! Apparently, neither can he - his face is turning red! But he hasn't said no yet . . . I asked him if he wanted to have a butterbeer with me in the Three Broomsticks. Damn it, here come his friends! He hasn't answered yet! Wait, don't leave . . .

4.

There is a black hole inside me that threatens to consume me.

Lately I have been rethinking my friends. They're faithful, yes, but they can also be brainless prats sometimes. All they do is chatter endlessly about things that don't really matter. I guess I'm guilty of the same thing, though. I chatter back to them just as mindlessly.

I've passed him on the street again. He looked at me this time, but he looked away so quickly, it's hard to tell if he actually saw me, or if he looked through me. You'd think I'd be used to being invisible by now, but I'm not. Every time he doesn't look at me, it's like a dagger in my heart. Something has got to change, and soon.

I'm sitting in a booth with my friends, drinking butterbeer and laughing at their latest lame joke. They like to make fun of Draco Malfoy. I don't mind; it's not like I like him or anything. I just wish they could come up with better things to say. The butterbeer makes me feel warm and giddy - maybe too giddy for my own good.

He's coming over here! Oh God; I've just spilled butterbeer on my shirt! Why do I have to turn into a blithering idiot whenever he's near?! My friends have all stopped talking to turn and stare at him. I wish they wouldn't; I wish they'd go on talking and pretend they hadn't seen him.

I can't believe it's happening, but he's asked me to sit with him at a different table! I'm so nervous, my hands are shaking. His friends are nowhere to be seen - did he tell them I asked him to do this, I wonder? All thoughts fade from my mind when he sits down across from me. I clear my throat nervously. I'm going to tell him now.

5.

I must be the biggest idiot on the face of the planet.

At least, that's the look he's giving me.

Before I can help myself, the words begin tumbling out. I've spilled my guts to him now. He's looking at me like he's revolted; like I'm some piece of rubbish he's had the misfortune to run across in the street. I can feel the tears threatening, and my throat begins to tighten. When I'm finished, he stares at me, his mouth gaping.

Please say something, I beg.

He says nothing and continues to stare.

I can feel the panic rising in my throat. The room is closing in on me - My eyes dart quickly around for an escape route. He opens his mouth to speak. His face is very, very red. Even redder than his hair.

"Wow," he says. I blink at him. He is so stunned he doesn't know what to say. I don't know if I want him to say anything at all. I'm starting to think this might have been a bad idea after all.

He takes a long swig of his drink, and when he puts the bottle back down on the table, he looks back at me. I must be lost, I think. I'm drowning in his eyes. Someone, please save me . . .

Before he can say anything else, she approaches us. At this moment, I loathe her with every fiber of my being. Why did she have to interrupt us now, just when he looked about to say something important? She's asking him if he's ready to leave. My every happiness hangs on his next words.

"I'll catch up with you in a bit."

Did he really just blow her off for me? I've seen the looks he gives her, and I know he has feelings for her. Is he just trying to be nice and brush me off with no one else around? I hear giggling and turn to see my friends talking and pointing excitedly in my direction. When I turn my attention back to him, he is still staring. His friend is gone.

"Would you like to go out sometime then?" Asking me this question seems to have taken a lot of effort. I can't believe my ears, and ask him to repeat what he's just asked me. He does so, but with such embarrassment that he has to look down at his drink instead of making eye contact with me.

"Of course I would."

6.

We've been talking for nearly an hour now. How did that much time pass without me realizing it? He's told me about his brothers and his sister, and where his father works. I don't talk much about my parents. Instead, I tell him about my sister. I tell him how we're very close, even though we don't see each other a lot.

I can imagine her reaction now, if she knew I was talking to him.

She's tried to encourage me for two years now to screw up the courage to tell him. She really is my best friend - I can't wait to tell her about this. I even have a date set up with him for the next Hogsmeade weekend already!

He just smiled at me! My legs feel like Jell-O. Could he possibly like me at all, when he likes her? We're so different. We're like day and night.

He and I are more alike than I thought.

I knew he loved Quidditch. I love it too, but I've been discouraged by my parents from showing it too openly. They don't think it's feminine enough. I quite agree; it's not feminine at all. That's what I like about it. He laughs when I tell him this. His sister played on the Quidditch team with him once, and his parents were so proud of her.

I wish I had his parents. He blushes and his ears turn red. He's so sweet when he does that. I wonder what he thinks of me? I must not be totally revolting, since he's already asked me out again, right?

Or did he just do it out of pity?

Maybe I should give him an excuse not to keep the date if he doesn't want to.

Oh, no - here she comes again! This time I think he's going to go with her. He stands to leave, and I stand as well. I don't want to be left sitting here alone after he's gone. I miss him already.

Before he leaves, he turns to me with a smile and a wave. I raise my hand in the air to wave, but he's already gone. When I rejoin my friends, everything takes on a surreal feeling.

I just talked to him for an hour! When before I couldn't even manage "Hello!"

7.

My sister is staring at me as though I've just told her I'm really a werewolf.

She's finding it very hard to believe that after sharing the same house with him for the last 6 years, I've finally revealed my feelings for him. After a while, it finally seems to sink in, and she hugs me in congratulations.

I feel happier than I have in many months.

At dinner that evening, I sit in my usual spot, and he sits in his. My friend eyes his friend, and elbows me, telling me to look up. There he is, smiling at me! My heart is beating so fast, I wonder if it will suddenly pop out of my chest. His friend follows his gaze and sees me smiling back at him, and turns to him. I wish I could hear what they're saying! His friend just looked at me and smiled. Are they saying good things or bad things about me?

My friend elbows me again and tells me not to stare. I know she's right; I just can't help it. I glance back quickly and notice that he's not giving his girl friend the same looks he usually gives her.

Does this mean I stand a fighting chance, after all?

I thought no one could win his heart when she had such a firm grasp on it.

I sneak another look at him and catch him sneaking a look at me! I turn my eyes quickly back to my food, but can't stop the small smile that's playing on my lips.

I think he's interested in me.

8.

My friend keeps bugging me about him. I refuse to answer her questions and just smile at her instead. We've just climbed through the portrait hole, and she heads upstairs towards the girls' dormitories, but I sit down in a chair in front of the fireplace. I pull my potions book out of my bookbag and begin to read. I hear the portrait hole open and footsteps approaching, but I don't pay them any mind; I know my friends are already all upstairs.

My head snaps up when I hear him say my name.

He is sitting in the chair across from me, smiling. I look around quickly - his friends are nowhere to be seen. He sees me looking and tells me that they're still at dinner. I smile at him, and ask what he's doing.

"Talking to you, of course!" He laughs, and I laugh back. I close my potions book and we begin to talk, oblivious to the people who filter in and out of the room. He tells me jokes, and I laugh; I tell him funny things about my sister and I. He apologizes for hurting my sister's feelings at the Yule Ball, and asks me why I didn't go with him if I liked him. I can feel my cheeks getting hot. I tell him it's because his friend asked me first, and I was afraid if I didn't say yes, no one would ask me and I would have to go alone. He smiles and I watch as his ears turn red.

He asks me why I like him and not his friend. Is he serious? His friend has always seemed a little too adulated for my tastes - and besides, I like his red hair. He flushes crimson at this and tells me he's always hated his red hair. We sit in silence for a few minutes, then he gives me a funny look. I ask him what's wrong.

"Nothing." I can tell he's lying and something is wrong, but he doesn't want to talk about it just now. I smile and change the subject, happy to have him talking to me at all.

9.

How long have we been sitting here talking? I've just noticed that no one has been in or out of the common room in quite a while. He's talking more animatedly now; telling me all about his adventures with his friend. I had no idea they'd done all those things! He says something funny and I laugh. I stifle a yawn, and he tells me that if I'm tired, he can leave. Maybe a little too quickly, I tell him I'm not tired. His ears turn red, but he smiles at me anyway.

He's so cute!

Did I really just say that? I can feel my face growing hot with embarrassment, and his cheeks turn pink - but he looks pleased, anyway.

My mouth is going to get me into trouble if I don't watch it more carefully.

For the last ten or fifteen minutes, all I've been able to do is stare at his mouth. Is it wrong to want him to kiss me so badly? After all, I've been waiting for a few years now. He seems to notice that my attention is elsewhere, and stops talking. He stares at me for a minute. Oh, God - did I just see-? That's the same look he was giving her yesterday! I hold my breath; he's getting out of his chair. What should I do? I stand up quickly, too. His face is inches away from mine! Is he really going to-?

Oh, his lips are so soft - the butterflies in my stomach are trying to break loose. They're flying around madly. My heart is so loud in my own ears that I'm sure he can hear it. I feel gooseflesh rising . . . his arms are around my waist! Slowly, I move my hands up around his neck. His skin is smooth, and he smells so good! I can feel myself start to tremble. He is trembling too, but I can't tell whether it's because he's nervous, or because he feels what I feel. My knees are getting weak! I feel as though I might be drowning inside his kiss. I'm dying, but it's such a sweet death; I don't want it to ever end.

When he finally pulls his lips away from mine, he still has his arms around my waist. His eyes are dark and murky - totally unreadable. I stare at his beautiful face, and he grins in embarrassment. He's apologizing for the kiss! I tell him not to, because I wanted it, too. He smiles, and I pull him back to me. He seems surprised that I'm so aggressive . . . but he relaxes into my kiss anyway. When his tongue touches my lips, I part them eagerly. I wonder briefly about how many girls he's kissed like this - he's so good at it, he must have had practice.

He pushes me back down onto a chair, and we sit there, kissing. I'm in heaven! I've waited so long for this, it's hard to believe it's really happening. After what seems like a lifetime, he pulls away from me. He puts his arms awkwardly around me, and I lean into him.

This feels so right.

For a moment, we remain silent. Then he clears his throat and asks me if I want to be his girlfriend.

Is he kidding?!

Of course, I say happily. He squeezes me, then stands up. He's going to bed, but he says he'll see me in the morning. I stand and nod, and he kisses me one last time, slowly. I savor the taste of him that lingers on my lips as he gives a small wave and smile, then disappears up the stairs.

11.

I can't sleep.

All I can do is toss and turn restlessly, and pray for sleep to come. Or maybe I'm already asleep, and the whole day has been a dream. I raise my fingers and gently touch my lips, where his kisses still burn. I smile in the darkness. I can't even close my eyes without seeing his face.

Giving up on sleep, I heave my legs over the edge of the bed and shove my feet into my slippers. I grab a book off of my nightstand and trod down the stairs to the common room. If sleep will not come, I will force myself to do something productive. I plop down into a big squashy armchair and flip my book open. I am startled by someone speaking, and drop my book.

It's him!

He asks me what I'm still doing up. I tell him I couldn't sleep, and he smiles and tells me the same thing. He gets up and moves to the seat next to mine. We talk quietly - our conversation is smattered with yawning and drooping eyelids, yet we continue to talk. My lips are still swollen from his kisses, but I can feel them aching for more.

My head droops, and immediately it snaps back up. He notices and laughs at me. His smile fades, and he asks me if I want to lay on him for a while. Too tired to be embarrassed, I nod. He rises and sits in my chair with me, draping his arm around my shoulders. I nestle my head into him, and feel myself drifting into blissful sleep.

11.

My eyes flutter open slowly and I squint against the sunlight that's flooding the room. I sit up slowly and stretch my arms. As soon as I move, I realize that I was really laying on him all night! It wasn't just a dream, like I thought it was! He's still sleeping.

He's so cute!

I watch his chest rising and falling rhythmically, and his nose twitches. I cover my mouth with my palm to suppress a giggle. I yawn and stand up to stretch my legs. As soon as the warmth of my body has left his side, his eyes fly open.

"Morning, Parvati," he says sweetly. My heart lurches happily at the sound of my name on his lips.

"Morning," I whisper, feeling the smile on my face. He stands up and stretches his arms over his head. He grins and embraces me tightly. I nestle my head into his chest, where I can hear his heartbeat. While I am nuzzling against him, I happen to glance down. I pull away from him suddenly; horrified at myself. I begin to run to the stairs when he calls after me to ask what's wrong. I call back that I have to change my clothes, and I hear him laughing at me.

Once upstairs, I berate myself silently for going downstairs in my pajamas last night. My hair is askew, pulling wildly in every direction, and my pajamas are rumpled. I quickly pull a brush through my hair and pull it back in a loose braid, and change into my clothes. At least it's only Sunday, I think gratefully. I'd never be able to get ready for class and get all my things together this quickly. I lace up my shoes and brush my teeth quickly. I descend the stairs into the common room wondering if he'll still be there.

He is.

He looks like he's changed, too. His hair is combed and he smells like soap. He smiles at me and asks if I want to go get something to eat. I nod, and we head towards the Great Hall. A thought occurs to me, and I ask him if his friends will be mad that he's going with me and not them. He laughs and says that they're happy for him. I blush and look down. After we sit at the Gryffindor table, I forget to be nervous around him. He talks to me and eats at the same time, and I feel totally at ease. Now that I know he's interested, I can relax. I take a bite of toast and listen to him talk about his brother Bill. Halfway through breakfast, his friends join us. I am a little uncomfortable around them at first, but after a few moments, they are talking to me like we've been good friends forever. Even she - who I thought would be upset because he isn't giving her those looks anymore - is being cordial to me. They make jokes and I laugh, while his ears turn red. After breakfast is over, they leave he and I to walk alone. He asks if I want to take a walk outside.

I stare out across the smooth surface of the lake. He slips his arm around my waist, and I lean my head on his shoulder. I sigh happily.

This has been, without a doubt, the best weekend of my life.